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Wednesday, 10 April 2013

zoo activity; We are yound

Me and my best friend, another transvestite (just to let you know I'm still one! xoxo) Mr. Darcy recently took a trip to the zoo because.. We are yound! And while you are yound you do many crazy, stupid things as they say where I come from (Asia lads!) YOLO! While at the zoo I suddenly noticed a leopard looking at me with those eyes it looked horny and up for some action. I thought "Wow I'm in with a chance of love here!" Then suddenly, the leopard proceeded to devour a small child. He looked like he was enjoying it so I thought this could be our first date and I hopped in to the leopard enclosure. I was about to approach this sexy beast and introduce myself but go tobainn, it snarled at me and let out a huge roar! It must have found out I was eyeing up the pandas. But I didn't cheat, I swear! The leopard charged at me, teeth snarling in the wind. I ran up a tree to escape my ex lover and screamed for help. My best friend Mr. Darcy noticed my pleas and alerted the zoo owner. Malheuresement, he did not speak english and thought he wanted Darcy to be in with the leopard so threw him in! Thats not very nice now! Fortunately Darcy was a former world gymnast so was able to somersault over the railing and escape my ex fiancee leopard. As I looked I noticed my lover leopard was not a he but a she, and a pregnant one at that! The poor thing went into labour in front of my eyes, I dashed down and helped it give birth, because I am a wannabe midwife. Crowds of people watched, smartphones in hand, as I comforted the big cat. Eventually the leopard (who's name was Lisa) thanked me and gave me an almighty hug. As I walked away I met with the zoo owner again, and he gave me that look, and I think I'm in with a chance there... YA NEVR N0 WAHZ ROUND' DEE CORNR LYK!!!! #LOVEISALLAROUND #WEDDINGBELLS

P.S. We do not promote beastality on this blog and will nit be held liable for any actions, don't try this at home, try it at the zoo.
P.P.S I deliberately spelt "young" wrong at the start of the blog.
P.P.P.S Seriously this blog is fiction and should not be taken seriosuly, we do not promote any illegal activity.

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

The Future. (as well as the past and indeed, the present.)

There comes a time in everyone's life that you have to start thinking of the past, the present and indeed, the future. The future is a funny thing; you do not know what is going to happen in... THE FUTURE!!! Yet, many people do, e.g, fortune tellers, psychics and mediums. That reminds me, I went to see a psychic last tuesday and was shocked, horrified and ecstatic at what I heard! :O
Me (gingerbread stalker): hi.
Psychic (magnificent meddling mystic margarie(MMMM for short)): hi.
Me: Can you predict the future?
MMMM: no.
Me: ok.
MMMM: k.
Me: bye.
MMMM: k.
After this, MMMM approached me in the street and started singing Britney Spears' "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Onlookers watched as this 86 year old medium poured her heart out to me with the lyrics of a pop diva. She exclaimed that ever since we first met she couldn't hold her feelings back for me, that she loved me, that we were soulmates. It was clear that she did, when I visited her, the romanitc air (along with a lot of "k's") filled her tent. Unfortunately, as I am not a lesbian history teacher, I did not reciprocate her feelings of love and lust. She then proceeded to lock me in her tent and hold me hostage. Before she could attempt her evil acts of voodo upon me, my nephew Tony (with the armpit hair) revealed himself to be the father of MMMM. To say I was #shocked would be an #understatement. They allowed me to leave and while they continued their weird father-daughter relationship, I went on to think again about the past, the present and indeed, THE FUTURE!!
ya nevr n0 wahs ar0nd dah cornr lioke bbz!!! xoxo

 This is the creep MMMM.
This is a typical lesbian history teacher.

You might remember Tony (my beautiful nephew) #LOVEHIM4EVA